


Dogsbody Style

by unoriginal_liz



Category: Life with Derek
Genre: F/M, Future Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-20
Updated: 2010-05-20
Packaged: 2018-03-31 11:19:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3976129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unoriginal_liz/pseuds/unoriginal_liz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Kendra didn’t need to be here for the capelet’s inevitable comeback next season, she’d probably have to seriously re-evaluate her priorities.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dogsbody Style

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a prompt pheobep gave on livejournal. Prompt was 'Sheldon/Kendra - as a one night stand.' Yep. That is basically the only explanation for this weirdness.

So, getting to be part of a photoshoot is a big deal, even if it’s not set anywhere glamorous, and even when the person being shot isn’t legitimately famous. Yeah, she’s known for…something – Tori even briefed Kendra on it. Bringing hope to a downtrodden nation, or lobbying for an end to inequality. Something like that. But in Kendra’s opinion, if you need to explain _why_ someone’s famous, then they’re not really famous.

Anyway, this Cheryl Mayer person is going to be one of those Real World Inspirational Features. You know, the ones people flick right past to get to the 361 fashion must-haves.

Except one of the bags gets mislaid. Rhea doesn’t take it well, rubbing at her stomach and moaning, even though it’s not her fault. Or Kendra’s. “Do you think that’s going to matter?” she asks despondently, and she’s right, because when in doubt, everyone at THE magazine turns their Mean Girl all the way up to eleven, and Tori is no exception.

Kendra on the other hand, says, “I’m sorry…what exactly do you want us to do? Turn back time and ride in the hold with the bags?” while trotting out her perkiest smile. It’s a feeling that comes from a lifetime of being Kendra, rather than a neatly thought out philosophy, but even if she is last in the pecking order, she’s not going to just roll over and take it. Especially when it’s not her fault.

Rhea’s already crying, and the photographer’s outside, working his way through a pack of cigarettes.

“No,” Tori says coldly. “I want you to _fix_ it.”

Kendra eyes her sympathetically. She’d probably be cranky too if she was growing out her bangs.

Meanwhile, Ms Inspirational chews everyone out for wasting her time, snapping out her words with precise biting force. Her Mean Girl goes all the way up to twelve, and even Tori looks cowed. Kendra guesses she hasn’t noticed that Ms Inspirational is wearing last season’s round-toed boots. Shouldn’t she be up on current events? How does she expect people to take her or her message seriously?

It ends with Ms Inspirational curling up on a chaise longue and calling for files so that the day isn’t a total waste, and taking out her Very Important Pissiness out on Sheldon Shlepper when he brings her the wrong documents or hands her the wrong device or whatever.

Oh yeah, in the haze of really important stuff happening, she forgot to mention that Sheldon Shlepper is Ms Inspirational’s assistant. Well, one of them.

Actually, he’s in charge of getting everyone coffee, including her and Rhea. Kendra would have figured only a limbo dancer could manage to find a lower position than herself and Rhea (interning at THE Magazine is enough of a Big Deal that no-one has to bother to make the job, you know, not awful) – and it’s oddly cheering and dispiriting at the same time. It’s not like Sheldon has the promise of access to fashion shows and goodie bags to spur him on.

It all ends with Tori having a tense phone call with Alysha, and wangling a budget of way-too-little to try and fix this mess.

Rhea speeds off on the mission to try and replace the accessories, while Kendra has the job of finding the perfect pair of shoes to complement a pantsuit that a woman wearing last season’s round-toed boots can’t possibly appreciate.

Apparently Rhea just hit the ground running, but Kendra doesn’t let panic dull her response – mostly because she’s not all that panicked. Come on, Kendra’s not going to freak out about a pretend-famous person getting upset.

So when she gets outside the door and Sheldon bumps into her – literally (some things never change), she pastes on a smile, and takes his arm and says, “Sheldon! Just the guy I wanted to run into!” as she leads him away from the room.

“Hey, Kendra,” Sheldon says, because between the combined demands of bitchy superiors, they haven’t really had the chance to even greet/acknowledge one another. “Wow. Long time no see.”

“I know,” she says brightly, still leading him away. “Why don’t we catch up between shoe shops? You can drive.”

Sheldon stops and she looks at him inquiringly. “Uh,” he says, “I would, but I have all this to” – he gestures awkwardly with the folders in his hands.

Without missing a beat, Kendra takes them from him and hands them to a passing lackey. “Ms Mayer needs these, and by the way, you’re also in charge of coffee now.”

The lackey splutters, but Kendra continues bulldozing through his objections like she doesn’t even hear them, “Little tip? The woman with the,” she makes a face, “ _hair_ takes hers with skimmed milk.”

She hustles a now folder-less Sheldon down the corridor. This time, he rolls with it, asking, “So…how have you been?” as she pulls him along.

*****

Five minutes later and she’s voluntarily getting into a car that has Sheldon Shlepper (the only person she knows who might just have failed _walking_ ) behind the wheel. And it’s not even for an A-lister. If Kendra didn’t need to be here for the capelet’s inevitable comeback next season, she’d probably have to seriously re-evaluate her priorities.

There isn’t a lot of time to chat. Well, Sheldon talks, but it’s okay – Kendra can ignore him while simultaneously keeping her eyes peeled for the perfect pair of shoes. It’s called multi-tasking.

She cuts him off mid-flow to say, “Pull over.”

Sheldon eyes the line of vehicles behind them and says, “I don’t think we can stop here,” even as he slows the car.

“Two minutes,” she chirps. Acknowledging obstacles is a prime way to make sure nothing ever gets done.

Ten minutes later, and she’s talked the store into giving her _the_ shoes – pumps, five inch heels, leather, subtle python print – the perfect quirk of style to lift the gorgeously serious tailoring of The Suit. She leaves the staff with a collective headache, but she puts that down to the furious honking that’s coming from outside.

“I’ve just committed a major parking violation,” Sheldon says indistinctly as he pulls out. He moves his jaw from side to side. “And I was involved in a public brawl – which probably constitutes a disorderly persons offense.”

“I don’t know if ‘getting knocked down by someone else’s fist’ really constitutes ‘being involved’ in a brawl,” Kendra says. “Did he even make contact?”

“The point is, I feel like I’ve betrayed my standing as a public servant,” Sheldon continues, getting louder and more agitated. “I am shocked and appalled by my own behaviour in this situation. And,” he abruptly lowers his voice, like it’s not just the two of them in the car, “What if this comes out at some future point in my political career?”

He sounds so serious – having a total Geek Patrol freak out…it’s precious.

“Don’t worry,” she tells him. “Letting your boss be photographed in those hideous boots – now that would be the _real_ crime.”

*****

Rhea manages to source some accessories (not as good as the originals would have been, but they’ll do) – so the photoshoot is saved.

And of course, they get less than no credit. They’re not back five minutes before Lady Inspirational is ordering Sheldon to clean up her mess and berating him for doing it wrong. Meanwhile, Tori’s tearing her overly-styled hair out over the lighting, and Ben the photographer’s run out of cigarettes, and Rhea’s already misting up in anticipation of the bitch-out, so it turns out they’re smack in the middle of another crisis.

Business as usual.

*****

Later that evening, when the photoshoot is done and the late hour and labour laws prohibit even Tori from making any more demands, she does meet up with Sheldon for dinner.

Just in case - you know, in the whirl of missing designer accessories and killer shoes - someone missed the fact that she’s talking about _Sheldon Shlepper_ , let’s be clear. It’s just dinner, not a date. Tori doesn’t eat (at least, not in front of anyone, like it’s a sign of weakness), but Kendra’s always liked carbs – they’re like dietary wardrobe staples.

Rhea declines the invitation, but then Rhea lives on antacids and her nerves. (Kendra figures she won’t make it to next season. Which is a shame – the forties’ silhouette is making a comeback and teal is rumoured to be the new black. It’s going to be exciting).

But, as they make their way through bruschetta and the house salad, accompanied in Kendra’s case by a glass of red wine, she starts to realise that she's sold the evening short. It’s definitely more than dinner...it’s a chance for them both to relive their glory days.

Well, ‘glory days’ in her case, maybe...‘slightly less humiliating days' in Sheldon’s?

“It’s a great opportunity,” he says earnestly, awkwardly, putting his right elbow into his plate, when he talks about his current job. “It really gives me a strategic boost up the ladder of success.”

“Yeah,” Kendra says, drawing the word out slightly, and accompanying it with a wide smile and nose-scrunch. It’s not dismissive, precisely, or at least, not dismissive in a mean way – it’s just…she knows all about these kinds of great opportunities, and what you don’t find out until too late is that you have to climb the ladder using your teeth.

So, the conversation moves back to the one thing they have in common that they don’t mind sharing – their past. And Kendra has to admit, it’s kind of appealing, reminiscing about the time when she was Kendra, Queen Mean Girl – not that she was ever all that mean, even when she was super-popular. Maybe a little oblivious and what seemed like tactless to people who didn’t have her undentable self-confidence, but not _mean_ – this, incidentally, is the reason why she’s going to be so much better than Tori, when Kendra has her job.

So the highlights of Kendra are obviously engaging, and remembering Sheldon the Relentlessly Dorky is actually kind of charming too. Which is not the same thing as saying _Sheldon_ is charming, and there’s no way she’s going to drink enough to get confused on that point.

That is, until her main course comes without the mushroom and chive cream on the side. Even though she’s willing to wait until a server passes, Sheldon holds up a hand in a gesture that’s probably meant to be commanding (maybe it would be, without the sauce stained cuffs), and goes to sort it out.

She watches him, and she feels a little tug in her stomach.

It’s been a while since she’s spent time with anyone so eager to please. More specifically, it’s been a while since she’s been with anyone so eager to please _her_. The tug in her stomach becomes a full-on pull at the thought, and she uses the last mouthful of wine in her glass to wet her mouth, which is suddenly a little dry.

She eyes his back consideringly. They know each other well enough to cancel out the general casualness of a one-night stand, but not well enough to make taking the sex-step easy or familiar. It’s a recipe for maximum awkwardness – and that’s not even taking into account Sheldon’s performance with the cutlery...

Still, the thought of Sheldon letting loose all that relentless dorky diligence on her body, even if it’s more clumsy than fine-tuned…it makes a warm feeling pool in her chest, before dripping lower, like an overfilled glass. Plus, there’s just enough residual Mean Girl confidence in her to enjoy the idea of being the one giving the instructions for a change.

She keeps her eyes fixed on him as he makes his way back to the table. “They’re going to fix it,” he says, seating himself with a flourish of satisfaction, before suddenly deflating a little. “But…it’s probably going to be a few minutes.”

“That’s okay,” she says, with a practiced smile. “I think I’ll have another drink.”


End file.
